Twisted Heartstrings Read online

“Just say it.”

  “Do you remember going to a party in the spring the year before Luc noticed me at the bar?”

  He chuckles. “Springtime back then was a time I usually found myself drinking a fair amount, so hitting parties was a normal thing. I don't remember a whole lot. Why do you ask?”

  Blushing, I say, “I met you at a party that spring. You weren't with the guys. I only went because Keri dragged me out for my seventeenth birthday.”

  “I wish I could tell you I remembered meeting you.”

  “So, you don't remember that we...” I pause, knowing I'm blushing even more. “That we slept together?”

  “We what?” he asks, confused.

  “Keri’s goal was to get me drunk for my birthday and to pop my cherry. What she didn't know was that I had already had sex. Anyway, we were a few of the youngest people at the party, and she succeeded in getting me drunk. I didn't know anyone there except for Keri, and she kept taking off to try to find a guy for me. I saw you sitting by yourself drinking and ended up hanging out with you. We talked a little, and because Keri had been pressuring me to pick someone to sleep with, I asked you. We were both drunk, but you agreed. We locked ourselves in the bathroom and you fucked me.”

  “Fuck, Toni, I don't remember that. I'm sorry, that should never have happened. Being drunk is no excuse for letting that happen.”

  “I don't want to make this awkward for us. But I wasn't sure if you remembered or not. Even Keri doesn't know that I slept with you, and I haven't told Luc either. I don't want something that happened before I was interested in him to come between anyone. I had hoped that maybe you just didn't recognize me when I saw you almost a year later and then now.”

  “Shit, Toni. I really don't remember. Springtime was rough for me back then. I'd be drunk for days. Fuck, this makes me sound like an asshole.”

  “You're not an asshole, Jasper. I'm the one who came on to you. And you deserve to know that we have some history. I just hope you don't think I'm some slut who sleeps around.”

  He smirks. “Toni, I can't picture you being the type to sleep around. To me it sounds like what happened between us was out of character for both of us.”

  I grin. “It definitely was. I drank enough to let my inhibitions go that night. I just hope you don't mind me bringing it up.”

  “I'm glad you told me. You're stuck with us for a month, and the last thing we want is for you to be uncomfortable with any of us. It's something that happened in the past and we can leave it there.”

  Wow, this went better than I expected. Here I thought it would be awkward. It might be, but if he can look past it, then so can I. “I just don't know if I should tell Luc about it or not. I don't want to make it weird between the two of you.”

  “If you tell him, I can always talk to him afterward to smooth things out. I'm sure he'll understand that it's in the past. Don't get me wrong, Toni, you're an attractive woman, but I'm not interested in you that way.”

  I grin. “The feeling is mutual, Jas. I like you as a friend now that I've gotten to know you a little better than I did before.”

  He chuckles. “Good, then we won't let it affect us.”

  I feel better having talked to Jas. And I'm glad we can move forward as friends, rather than let what happened between us get in the way of things. He's definitely going to be a catch for someone someday. I just hope when I confess to Luc, he won't feel threatened by my past with Jas.

  Our conversation switches over to what I was doing when he came out to join me before we both finally head to our respective beds. When I crawl back into bed with Luc, I drift off to sleep easily, a weight having been lifted.

  Chapter Twenty-One

  Toni

  Every night after a show, I spend time posting pictures on the social media sites, with Jasper's help captioning them. Our night talking about the secret I'm hiding from Luc is something we've put behind us; my honesty with Jas opening a doorway to our friendship. There are nights when I slip from bed with Luc just to spend time with Jasper because I can't sleep and he's usually awake.

  We sit and talk quietly while we work. He opens up to me about a lot of things, most of which he wants me to keep private. I learn that his dad walked out on them when he and Jade were ten, and their mom was rarely around because she was working so much in order to provide for them. When he became old enough, he and his sister both got jobs that worked around their school hours.

  He got a job at a music store and was able to spend a lot of time playing instruments. He could play almost everything. But out of the members of the band, he was better at drums, though he did like to play guitar. When I think about it, Jasper would have made an awesome front man. He's gorgeous, and I know enough fans drool over him. Not that Nic doesn't have his fair share of fans.

  “Jas, can I ask you something personal?” I ask shyly.

  “Maybe,” he replies.

  “How come you never mention girlfriends? I'm sure you've had some.”

  “Not since high school. When Isabelle died before we graduated, I was left devastated. If it weren’t for the guys, I'm not sure where I'd be right now. They saved me from going down a darker path than what I was already following.”

  “Who's Isabelle?”

  “She was my high school sweetheart. We met our first year of high school. She was one of the most popular girls in school. The moment I saw her, I wanted her. She had golden blonde hair that she always wore up because she played sports. But it was her gray eyes that drew me in. When she was in a good mood they reminded me of an overcast sky, but in a bad mood they were like a thunderstorm cloud. I could stare into her eyes all day. Within months she was my girlfriend. She was my first for a lot of things.”

  “Like?”

  “She was the first girl I kissed. The first girl I had sex with. The first and only girl I loved.”

  “What happened to her?”

  “At first, she got sick. She just thought it was a cold that was hanging around. I finally managed to convince her to go see the doctor. She had a chest infection, which then turned into pneumonia. She was so weak from her body trying to fight the infection, along with the medication she was on. Then she was hit with sepsis from a cut that got infected. Her body couldn't fight both the pneumonia and the sepsis, and eventually it just stopped fighting.”

  “I'm so sorry, Jas,” I say, as tears slip down my face. My chest tightens at the thought of how heartbroken he must have been. Realization hits me of why he didn’t remember me from that first night we met at the party. He was drinking away his pain.

  “For months I watched her get sicker and sicker. And there wasn't a damn thing I could do to help her. I missed her so much that I tried to join her. It was then that the guys really banded around me and helped pull me through the dark days I had. Between them and a friend I met on a suicide survivor chat site, Cami, they made me see I had more to live for. I got the tattoo on my shoulder for Isabelle, as a way to remind myself of her and what I've been through.”

  “You never talk about friends.”

  “As you notice, Toni, I usually keep to myself. But Cami kept prying, asking me to open up to her. After a while, she told me she couldn't keep our friendship going if I didn't give her something. So, I started opening up to her more. Sure, she knew about Isabelle and what I went through, but I never gave her anything else.”

  “So, Cami is making you open up to her?”

  “Yeah. A year after we signed with the label I told her who I was, but I made her guess a little first. From then on, I've begged her to meet me, but she's refused. She gets panic attacks at the thought of it. She's been through a rough life.”

  “And I bet you've helped her as much as she's allowed.”

  “I have. I keep offering more, but she refuses. While she was in college, I'd replace her phone and computer with a new one before the beginning of the year. She graduated two years ago and she's refused to let me keep replacing her phone, but I still pay the phone bill.”
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  “So, you've never met her?”

  “Nope. But I want to. She's one of my best friends, outside of the guys. When something amazing happens, she's the first one I want to tell.”

  “Aww, Jas. Maybe one day she'll come around and you can finally meet her. I'm sorry about what happened to Isabelle.”

  “I hope one day Cami does come around. ”

  I wrap my arm around Jas in an awkward hug, given the position we are sitting in. He wraps his arm around me, returning the hug.

  “You'll find someone one day, Jas, I just can't tell you exactly when. Maybe it's Cami, maybe not. But whoever she is, she'll have me to deal with if she hurts you. I may be with Luc, but it doesn't mean I don't love you and the rest of the guys. You're all like family to me. Luc changed me from being the shy loner and made me take a chance on opening myself up. Him making me open up has allowed me to be closer to my adoptive family, something they’re very thankful for.”

  “You're like a sister to me too, Toni. And you’re a lot less annoying than Jade,” he replies with a chuckle.

  “Well, I'll take that as a compliment,” I say with a laugh.

  Chapter Twenty-Two

  Lucius

  I sit in the chair at the desk, wearing my headphones, which are connected to my practice amp. With my electric blue Superstrat guitar across my lap, I'm working on trying to perfect the solo for a song we want on our next album, but I just can't seem to find the right notes. I’ve been stuck with finding the right balance to it for weeks. Toni's asleep in bed; we had an eventful day yesterday, having to move hotels. I wanted her to get some rest, knowing that later we'll be going out. Today we're free to do what we want, I want to take her out to see the city. I just want to have time to act like a regular couple, carefree and enjoying the moment.

  Glancing toward the bed, I can't help the grin that spreads across my face. Her hair in disarray from both sleep and sex. She looks content, peaceful even, with both her hands resting under her cheek. The sheets tangled around her body, hiding the curves I've come to love. I want more days like this with her. Knowing we have roughly two weeks left together makes me feel unsettled; I don't want her to leave. I know my heart belongs to her, like an invisible string is tied from mine to hers. I don't want to lose her. I'd do damn near anything to make her happy.

  I set my guitar on it's stand and turn off my amp while pulling off my headphones. Standing, I stretch before walking toward the bed. I lay down facing her and watch her sleep. A smile tugs at her lips as she releases a soft sigh. It's almost as if she senses I'm near.

  As I watch her, I'm tempted to wake her. I don't, though. I love being able to watch her sleep, especially when she’s in a deep sleep and oblivious to the world around her. I can tell when she's dreaming, both good and bad.

  Today is going to be an interesting day. Hopefully I can pull it off without a hitch. Toni doesn't know it, but I started planning today's agenda as soon as I knew we'd have some free time for ourselves. I made sure the guys knew today is to be a day where I get to spend some much needed alone time with my woman. I've shelled out a small fortune for what I have planned, but it'll be worth it in the end.

  I smirk when Toni groans, trying to wedge her head between the pillows. The drapes in our hotel room don’t do much to hide the brightness of the sun outside. I'm always awake before she is. Having started the habit of staying up late at night, she prefers to sleep in. Some days I let her sleep in peace by going to the front of the bus, and others, I stay in bed, waiting for her to wake. Our rare stays in hotels, I tend to try to let her sleep. Other times I wake her because I don't want to wait. I've had to learn to be creative when waking her, as her grumpiness is not something I like to see.

  Toni lifts her head from between the pillows, then looks at me before groaning and dropping her head back where it was. I unsuccessfully try to suppress a chuckle, earning a glare from her. As grumpy as she may look, she's still cute.

  “Don't you have something better to do than watch me sleep?” Her voice is raspy from sleep.

  “It’s one of my favorite pastimes.” My smirk earns me a scowl. Little does she know that I spend moments in the morning while she sleeps watching her. Every morning, I begrudgingly leave her, knowing she needs her sleep after her late nights with Jas. But there are rare times, like today, I don't have to leave her.

  “Ugh, why do you have to be such a morning person? You’d think that you’d be a night owl like the rest of us.”

  I chuckle. It's not that I'm a morning person, the fact that I'm asleep before the others is why I'm up earlier. Nic, on occasion, is awake around the same time as me or earlier, he's always been one who doesn't sleep much.

  I brush stray strands of hair from her face. “I'm going to order us breakfast. Why don't you take a shower so we can start getting ready, I have a fun day planned for us.”

  “You mean we're not spending the day with everyone else?” she asks, sounding hopeful, her eyes glittering.

  “No, just the two of us today.”

  Her excited smile is bright, transforming her face from sleepy to radiant. It's a smile I want to see on her daily. Pushing the covers from her body, she climbs from the bed, heading to the bathroom. I watch the sway of her hips, totally ogling her ass as she walks. I adjust my cock in my boxers before getting up to call room service.

  When Toni emerges from the bathroom with a towel around her body, I've already pulled on a pair of jeans and am in the process of pulling on a t-shirt. I can tell she’s excited by the smile she wears and the bounce in her step.

  While she's getting dressed, room service arrives. We eat quietly. I'm nervous about what she will think about what I've planned. We've never really talked about what types of things she likes to do for dates. But I don't want to do typical things. I want her to experience things that she'll always remember.

  When we're through eating, we finish getting ready to leave. I've already given our car service the itinerary for today so everything we do will be a surprise. I don't want Toni to know anything we're doing until we get there.

  The car drives us to the airport that houses the helicopter tour I've booked. Toni's eyes widen as we arrive.

  “Where are we going?” she asks.

  “Wait and see.” Taking her hand, I lead her toward the building so we can check in. I pay the extra fees, and all the while Toni is grinning.

  We sit in the uncomfortable plastic chairs in the waiting room. Toni leans against me and checks her phone. She reads an email from her boss regarding her last update yielding some good information and saying that he looks forward to the next update.

  Pulling away, she turns to me. “I'm supposed to be working, and here I am, slacking off by spending a day with you doing something fun.”

  I caress her cheek, and she closes her eyes as she leans into my touch. “Babe, you're allowed to have fun. You're not expected to work every day, yet you do. You deserve a day to relax and have a good time.”

  I watch as she takes a deep breath, pausing before exhaling. I wish I knew what was going on in her mind. I know she will feel like she doesn't deserve to be spoiled like I'm planning to do today. But will she regret everything I’ve done for her to make today special?

  Opening her eyes, she smiles at me. “You're right. I've barely taken time to relax and enjoy myself. If it's not digging for the article, it's helping Jasper with social media. I deserve to have some time not working.”

  Sliding my hand behind her neck, I pull her to me, kissing her. I keep it brief, knowing she hates being caught in public. Her freak out in Toronto when we were photographed backstage was the first indication. She's tried to put distance between us when we've been in the public eye, something I don't let her get away with.

  Our names are called. Taking her hand, we walk toward the woman who leads us outside where the helicopter waits. We're introduced to our pilot who is also the tour guide. We're helped into our harnesses once seated and then handed headsets.

>   Toni is excited, glancing all around, eyes wide as we begin flying through the sky. I barely register what the pilot says, my focus on Toni and the sights before us.

  The twenty-five minute tour is over before I realize it. When we disembark the helicopter Toni launches herself at me. “Oh my God, that was amazing!”

  We head back to the car. Our next stop is the Statue of Liberty and a tour of Ellis Island. It's something that any tourists should do when in the city, and today is no exception. Wearing a ball cap and shades, I hope not to be recognized. I just want to enjoy today with my girl.

  “You said that we're making a day of it. What else do you have planned?”

  “You have to wait to find out.” I smirk, knowing that she's not going to be happy being surprised as much as she will be today. But I'm taking pleasure in knowing that she's enjoying what I have planned.

  When we get to the park where we're to meet up with the tour guide, Toni pulls on my hand. Her voice is panicked as she asks, “What happens if you're recognized?”

  I pull her close and whisper, “You don't think I wouldn't have planned to make sure we had security with us? They're here in plain clothes.”

  “When did you start planning this, and how did you hide it from me?”

  “As soon as I knew what days we had free I started to plan it. I made sure to book everything when you were busy or asleep. I wanted it to be a complete surprise for you. I told the guys that I wanted to spend a whole day with you alone, since we don't get much time to ourselves.”

  “I can't believe you planned all this just so we can get time to ourselves!” She curls into my side, allowing me to wrap my arms around her shoulders.

  By the time we make it back to the hotel we're exhausted. I'm shocked that we managed to make it the whole day without me being recognized, but we did. Toni let me take some selfies of us to post, so her family can see, but mostly for the memories.